Learning The Truth
by AngieA007
Summary: Will Danny and Lindsay be able to deal when the truth comes out?
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: I don't own CSI NY or any of the characters**_

As Lindsay ended the call and continued to walk in the pouring rain her mind wandered back to the day in their office when she had reamed him out for not talking to her. He had been distant and evasive since the death of his young neighbour. Deep down she felt like he should have been able to trust her with this, if anyone could understand the grief and guilt he was feeling, it was her.

She was glad he had finally called and asked to see her but she was still hurting. She had wanted to be there for him but she needed him to be there for her too. They were partners, lovers and with the news she had recently received from home, she wished they could have worked through this together.

Was that what he was trying to do now? She was questioning whether hanging up was the right thing to do. Should she go and see him?

As she turned to walk in the direction of his apartment she was suddenly feeling like a weight had been lifted. They would get through this together.

As Danny heard the knock at his door he felt hope fill his chest. Had Lindsay changed her mind and come to talk?

There was a battle going on in his mind. He wanted more than anything to be with Lindsay but before he could do that he knew he had to tell her the truth. Rikki was only part of that truth, he would need Lindsay to understand why he had not come to her, why he had turned to another woman when he was hurting.

It was going to be one of the hardest conversations of his life. Even if Lindsay didn't run as soon as she found out about Rikki, he knew the rest of the conversation was going to hurt her just as much. It wasn't his intention but if they were to have any chance of a future, of being able to cope with a future crisis together, then complete honesty was the only option.

When he opened the door to a smiling Rikki, his heart sank a little. It was good to see her smiling but he knew that telling Rikki that he was still with Lindsay wasn't going to be easy.

As Lindsay climbed the stairs to Danny's apartment she started to shiver. Perhaps the rain walk hadn't been the best idea, it had just seemed like a good way to clear her head.

As she rounded the corner she hesitated when she saw Rikki standing talking with Danny. She and Danny had passed Rikki in the hall a couple of times and exchanged greetings before Ruben had been killed. She didn't want to interrupt their conversation so she hung back for a couple of minutes. She could just barely make out what he was saying.

'Rikki, I've been thinking, this thing between us...you were right. We made each other feel good... but I'm starting to think that it's bad. It's a bad thing for us'

Lindsay felt the sting of tears behind her eyes and her legs become unsteady, and suddenly everything from the past few weeks was coming in to focus. She willed her legs to move but as they did she stumbled lightly against the wall.

Suddenly her eyes met his and then she was running.

When Danny heard the noise interrupt his conversation he looked up and felt his heart stop when he saw his devastated girlfriend, and as quickly as she started to run, he followed.

'Lindsay...baby, please wait.'

Lindsay could hear him yelling her name but all she could think about was getting out of there, erasing his words to Rikki from her mind. She ran out on to the street and turned in the direction of her apartment.

Danny reached the street and started following but soon realised that he was barefoot. He weighed up his options but realised that he would never catch up with her without his shoes. He'd be better getting his shoes and then driving to her place.

As he reached his floor he realised that Rikki was still there, with a shocked expression and a broken sugar bowl at her feet.

'Please tell me that you and Lindsay aren't still together?'

Danny looked at the floor, the shame he felt at that moment was overwhelming.

'I'm so sorry Rikki, everything was just so screwed up.'

'Danny, I assumed when you came on to me that meant you and Lindsay were done. I hadn't seen her in a while and you never spoke about her.'

'I was a mess Rikki, I didn't want her to see me like that, she's been through so much. I am so sorry...'

'I'm obviously not the person you should be apologising to...I was coming over to tell you that I'm moving. There's nothing left for me here Danny, I can't move on when everything I see, everywhere I go reminds me of Ruben. I hope you have a good life. And if it's what you want, and Lindsay is willing to take you back, I sincerely hope you don't ever repeat our mistake.'

Danny felt the tears roll down his cheek. He had gotten Ruben killed, broken his girlfriends heart and now Rikki was leaving. He felt the enormous weight of guilt crushing him.

Rikki could read the look on his face and she took his hand in hers.

'One day you will wake up and realise that Ruben's death wasn't your fault. I just hope that day comes soon. You are a good man Danny. Good Bye.'

Lindsay stumbled through her front door. Her mind was buzzing with thoughts of them together?

Was she to blame? She had tried to be there for him but should she have tried harder? He had flown halfway across the country when she needed him, what if she hadn't done a good enough job of letting him know he could trust her.

She shook her head as if trying to rid herself of these thoughts. She headed to the bathroom for a towel and then through to her bedroom to get changed.

As she slipped on her track pants and tank top her eyes settled on the photo on the nightstand. It was taken at the department Christmas party. It was the night the team had found out about their relationship. To say they weren't surprised was an understatement. She lost count of how many people said 'About damn time.' Flack was the exception, preferring to ask 'what you doing with this guy Linds, you can do way better?' Danny had playfully punched him on the arm.

The photo showed them dancing closely together, her head resting on his shoulder. Stella had taken it from a few feet away without them knowing. Lindsay's dress had had a huge impression on Danny that night. It was low cut with an empire waist and showed some leg, which she knew he liked. The black on white design wasn't exactly festive but she had been eager to please Danny. And please him it had, that night had been one of the most passionate she had ever had.

Looking at it now just angered her. He had fooled her for too long. How many people had warned her about his womanising past? She felt so stupid. Because they had been friends first, she had really thought that their relationship would be special, that he wouldn't treat her like just another casual girlfriend. She felt the rage in every part of her body as she threw the photo as hard as she could against the wall. As the glass shattered, so did Lindsay.

As her sobs finally died down she picked herself up from the floor and unsteadily walked through to the kitchen. She uncorked the bottle of Merlot sitting on the counter, a half assed, belated birthday gift from Danny. She poured the wine into a glass and took it with her to the couch. She sipped on the liquid and stared at the front door, waiting. She knew he would come to her tonight.

After Danny had said goodbye to Rikki he walked back in to his apartment, cutting his foot on the sugar bowl in the process.

'God damn it...stupid piece of shit!'

Danny felt the need to hit something, or at least drink himself to sleep but he knew that wasn't an option tonight. Instead he resorted to cursing at the damn sugar bowl.

After bandaging his foot he decided he'd better clean up the glass in the hallway.

'Don't want to be responsible for hurting anyone else tonight' he muttered to himself.

He gathered his keys, wallet and phone and put on his shoes before heading out. He was not looking forward to the rest of the night.

**Ok, so this is my first story, please review and be honest. I will update as soon as I learn how!**


	2. Chapter 2

Danny reached her apartment and was glad to see the light shining from beneath the door. He had worried on the way over that she may have got in a cab, not thinking about the danger. His relief was shortlived though, as he could hear banging and crashing coming from inside.

He lifted his hand and knocked loud enough for her to hear over the noise. The sounds from inside stopped and he waited for her to come to the door. She didn't answer imediately and he wondered if she would see him at all tonight or leave him standing in the hallway. His heart started to pound in his chest as he heard her move towards the door.

As the door swung open Danny was once again overwhelmed by guilt when he saw his normally beautiful girlfriend standing there, looking worse than he could have imagined. Her normally groomed hair was still damp and straggly, her eyes so puffy he was surprised she could still see. What disturbed him most was the look of absolute disgust marring her pretty face. Lindsay was looking at him like he repulsed her, a look he had only ever seen her give the worst of the criminals they encountered.

'Lindsay...please let me explain...'

'Is this the part where you tell me that it wasn't what it sounded like, that I misunderstood?'

'I'm sorry, no. It was exactly what it sounded like. Will you let me come in and explain?'

Lindsay took a few seconds to think over her answer, they were going to have to get this over with some time. It might as well be tonight, while her anger was still fresh. At least this way she could be sure she wouldn't let him off the hook. She walked back into the apartment and left the door open for him to follow.

As he walked into her living room he noticed two things. The first was the half empty bottle of wine. The second was the cardboard box sitting on the chair. As he stepped forward to examine the contents his breathe caught in his throat.

'You're packing up my stuff.'

'You're damn right I am Danny. Why the hell would I want this crap lying around my apartment reminding me of the worst mistake I ever made?'

'I know I hurt you honey but please listen to me...'

Lindsay was growing angrier by the second, he was actually going to try and make excuses for what he had done. The wine and the adrenaline coarsing through her veins were refusing to let her be calm about this. She closed the short distance between them and pushed him hard in the chest.

'You really think I'm going to let you explain away what you did, to rationalise it? I wish to god I had never met you!' She pushed him again. 'I wish I had listened to my instincts about you that told me you were a player.' She pushed him again. 'I wish I could take back that night on the pool table and every night since then.'

She was now screaming at him and hitting his chest with her fists. He easily caught her flailing arms and pulled her into his chest. She lay her head there for a second, inhaling his scent before pushing him away and turning her back to him.

'You've made me feel like the biggest moron for falling for you Danny. I will never forgive you for that.'

'I'm so sorry Montana, things were just so screwed up for a while there. It's no excuse and you wouldn't believe how much I regret it.' He laid his hand on her shoulder but she immediately shook it off.

'The morning I called to invite you for breakfast...was she there?'

Danny closed his eyes tight at the memory. 'Yes, that was the morning after it happened...'

'So when you told me you had things to do, you were really doing Rikki?'

Danny's voice cracked with emotion as he thought back to how selfish he had been. 'If I could take it all back I would, you have to know how much you mean to me.'

Lindsay's voice began to get higher as she remembered how bad he had made her feel that day. 'How much I mean to you? She was still in your apartment when you talked to me on the phone. Do you really think that little of me?'

'At the time I didn't think about it. I know it sounds strange but it's true. She just made me feel better...I was able to keep what I was doing separate from my feelings for you. Please look at me Montana.'

She turned towards him and he saw the tears running down her cheeks. She had never looked so tired, so lost. Even with everything that happened in Montana she had been able to retain that spark of life he loved in her. Now it was gone. He felt physically sick that he was the person who had done that to her.

'I could have been the one to make you feel better! Our situations may not be exactly the same but I do know what you were going through. Damn it Danny, why couldn't you have just broken up with me if you wanted to be with her?'

'I didn't, I don't! Like I said, the two things are separate...'

'Not to me, I might be old fashioned but I always believed that your girlfriend should be the one you sleep with.'

'I didn't want to bring it all back for you Lindsay, I didn't want to bring back bad memories for you.'

'So you thought you'd cheat on me instead, because that's far less painfull!'

'You're right Lindsay, I've been stupid and selfish. I know you're pissed as hell right now and I don't deserve a second chance but...'

'You're damn right you don't and you won't be getting one. I'm going to bed, take your box of crap and let yourself out.'

Lindsay stopped at the kitchen to grab herself a bottle of water before going in to her bedroom and closing the door.

Danny sat down on her couch and pulled the box towards him resting it on his knee. He had quite a lot of stuff here considering they had only been together a few months. They had just felt so at home in each others apartments. They had spent most nights together when they weren't working. That had all changed when Ruben died.

There were various items of clothing that belonged to him, some CD's and DVD's, deoderant, toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, shower gel, shampoo. He had brought his own shampoo and shower gel over after being forced to go to work smelling of Mango and Papaya one morning. Flack and Hawkes still took the piss about it occaisionally.

There was a book he was halfway through reading. Lindsay had bought it for him after he told her he was interested in learning about criminal profiling. It was little details like that which made him love her so much. He had only just realised it and he was hating himself for that fact. There was also the box of condoms they had been working through. Danny had insisted on being the one to buy them as birth control was the mans responsibility. Lindsay had laughed so hard when she heard that.

He felt the tears threaten to fall as he saw what else was in the box. The NYPD sweatshirt he'd had for years. He hadn't worn it in forever but it was a favourite of Lindsay's. She had found it the second time she had stayed at his place. She'd stolen it and had worn it to bed ever since. He'd tried persuading her that she'd be more comfortable sleeping naked like him but she insisted she was a cold sleeper. More often than not it ended up on the floor after a while anyway. He lifted the worn garment up to his face and inhaled her scent. That's when the tears came.

The last item was the Giants coffee mug. Lindsay had assured him she had more than enough coffee mugs to meet their needs, but he had insisted that it didn't taste the same.

He felt despair at the thought he might never get back what he'd had. That he might never sleep next to her again. To wake up spooned with her, hands entwined. To never laugh the way they once had about stupid, meaningless things. But most of all he despaired at the thought of never being, in her eyes, the man he used to be when they were happy.

He wasn't going to give up but he knew that trying to talk to her any more tonight would be pointless. He would go home for now and hope that once she had calmed down she would find a way to forgive him. If anybody could, it was his Montana.

He wiped the tears from his eyes with the back of his hand and stood up slowly with the box. As he got to the door he turned back, pulled the sweatshirt from the box and laid it down on the couch. With that he left the apartment and drove home with their conversation replaying in his mind.


	3. Chapter 3

Neither Danny nor Lindsay slept much that night and it showed next morning when they turned up for work. Normally Stella would assume that they had been up together all night, but the fact that Lindsay wouldn't meet Danny's eyes told her that something was seriously wrong. That and the fact that Lindsay was wearing a tonne of make-up, obviously to hide her red, puffy eyes. Stella made a mental note to try and get Lindsay on her on at some point today.

When the assignments were handed out Lindsay was beyond relieved to find herself working with Hawkes. She wouldn't need to be around Danny and Hawkes was sensitive enough to know that she didn't want to talk about what was bothering her.

Danny was not quite so relieved to find himself paired with Stella. He had hoped he would get some time alone with Lindsay today to talk some more. He also knew that Stella was freakishly intuitive about these things. She would know something was wrong, and like a dog with a bone, she would not let it go.

The rest of the day was spent as predicted, Lindsay in quiet reflection and Danny fending off a multitude of questions. When shift was over Lindsay hurriedly got changed and headed towards the elevator. It was her intention to avoid Danny at all costs but he was there waiting for her.

'Please Lindsay, can we just talk about this, I don't want this to be the end.' Danny pleaded.

She looked up at him as they stepped onto the elevator together.

'I want my stuff back.'

He looked at her in confusion.

'I left some stuff at your apartment. Earrings, shoes etc. I need them back.'

It dawned on him what she meant. 'Oh, well you could come over and pick them up now if you like. I could order dinner and we could talk...'

'What the hell makes you think I'll ever set foot in your apartment again?' She spat out, unbelieving of his insensitivity. 'Isn't that where it all happened Danny, where you screwed around with your grieving neighbour.'

Danny was grateful that it was only them in the elevator.

As the doors opened they stepped in to the parking garage.

'I really don't want this to be the end.' He said to Lindsay as they walked towards her car. 'But if you want your stuff back I can bring it over tonight. I just don't want you to think that means I'm giving up on getting you back.'

'You don't need to bring it over; you can just leave it in my locker at work. I'd rather not be around you right now.' He could tell she was tiring of the conversation.

He knew her well enough to know that after a tough day she liked to take a long, hot bath, order some take out, dim the lights and watch classic movies. She wasn't really into the modern stuff, give her Jaws or one of the Bond films and she was happy.

He also knew that she would avoid, at all costs, speaking to him any more about what happened. It was a self preservation thing. The only reason she'd spoken to him last night had been her anger. Danny needed to talk to her about it though, he couldn't let her go on thinking that he wanted someone else or that she somehow wasn't enough for him anymore. He wanted them to go back to how they had been at the start of their relationship and he needed her to understand that.

'Please Montana, I can bring over dinner and we can talk.' He knew he sounded desperate but he was so far past caring at this point.

'Danny, please stop acting like this is a normal day, that we are going to laugh over dinner and curl up on the couch together. This is over! Do you understand that? You broke my heart Messer.' She wouldn't even meet his eyes as they stopped beside her car door.

Danny could hear the defeat in her voice and understood that it was too raw; they shouldn't talk about their relationship right now, not unless he wanted her to say things he knew she'd regret later. Too hear her say it was over was like having his heart ripped out.

'Ok, Lindsay. I know that now's not the best time to talk but I'll be waiting, whenever you're ready. And I will bring over your stuff later; I don't think bringing it to work would be such a great idea. You know what the gossip in this place is like.'

She hesitated, staring at the ground for a moment. 'Ok.' She turned, opened the door and got into the car. Danny turned and walked towards the elevator, he'd taken the subway today.

Stella rolled up her window, horribly disappointed at the conversation she'd just overheard. She didn't know why they had ended their relationship but it sounded like it might be Danny's fault. She would find out but she'd need to tread lightly, Lindsay was quite sensitive and Danny had been like a bear with a sore head lately. She desperately wanted to help her friends but she would need all the details first.

As Danny packed Lindsay's stuff into a large box, it struck him how much more stuff she had than him. She kept a change of clothes here to suit every possible occasion. He hadn't minded that she took up quite a bit of closet space, he was just glad to know that she felt at home here. Now he knew it was possible she might never come back here, even if he did manage to win her back. It would be like visiting the scene of the crime. 'Should I move?' He wondered.

He knew that he wasn't going to fit everything in to one box so he started packing her clothes into a suitcase and other items in to the box.

She had a massive array of cosmetics and beauty creams; though he swore she didn't need them. She had only a few items of makeup. Perfume, jewellery, hair dryer, straightening iron, nail polish, DVD's and CD's.

He packed the expensive underwear he had bought her for the weekend they had spent at a cabin in the Catskills early in the year. As he recalled, it hadn't stayed on very long but it had more than one showing since then. He knew the emerald green colour was her favourite, and he never tired of the 

way she looked at him when she was feeling sexy. He knew a few people who would be surprised if they knew how wild his country girl could be.

He decided to get it all done as quickly as possible so that he would have less time to think about what this meant. He had written her a letter earlier and zipped it in the pocket of the suitcase.

As he was on his way out the door he remembered the final item and quickly returned to the kitchen to get it. He placed it on top of the box an then left the apartment, with difficulty. Suitcase in one hand, box balanced precariously in the other.

Lindsay tried to relax after her bath but knew it would be impossible since she was expecting Danny soon. She felt her stomach growl and realised that she hadn't eaten since her cinnamon bagel at 11.30 that morning. She decided to heat some cold pasta she had in her fridge. As she set the microwave she heard the knock at her door.

She didn't know why she felt so nervous; he was only dropping some stuff off. She opened the door and let him into the apartment, taking the box from his hand.

'Thanks for bringing this over so quickly.' She said. She was looking anywhere but at him.

'You're welcome Lindsay.' Danny voice was soft and full of guilt. 'I wrote you a letter. I know you're not ready to talk yet and I understand that, but I just wanted you to know how sorry I am, how much I still want to be with you. Like I said earlier I will be here whenever you want to talk. About anything. Even if you never want anything more from me, we were great friends once and I hope we always will be.'

Lindsay looked at her feet; she could feel the tears slide down her cheeks. She just nodded her head. 'Ok Danny.'

He felt bold and moved forward, placing his hand on her cheek and brushing away the tears he found there. She closed her eyes for a second, savouring the warmth of his hand as she leaned further in to it. The moment lasted only a second before she moved away.

'Ok, I should go.' He sighed. She just nodded, still looking at the floor.

Suddenly, Danny remembered the last item he had packed.

'I packed something else for you. My Mom wanted me to give it to you. You asked about her Arrabiata the last time we went for dinner.'

Danny picked up a very old book from the box, the spine was well worn but it had been well looked after. Lindsay gave him a puzzled look, the first time she'd looked at him since he'd entered the apartment.

'My Nonna gave this to Mom when she and my dad were first starting out. She has her favourites memorized now and wants you to have the book.'

'Danny, I can't take this now, not with what's happened, this book should stay in the family.'

'I know. I hope that you will be some day. If it makes you uncomfortable taking it now then I can keep it at my place.'

Lindsay didn't say a word, just shot him a look of disbelief and crossed her arms over her chest.

'Ok, I'll keep it at my place.' He decided.

'Right, I'll see you at work tomorrow.' Before he had time to think about what he was doing he stepped towards her and pecked her gently on the lips. She took a second to realise what had just happened and then said furiously

'What the hell Danny!'

He looked just as shocked as she did, it honesty hadn't been intentional.

'I'm sorry, god, force of habit I guess.'

Luckily she seemed to accept this answer and let it go with a shake of her head.

'Whatever, good night Danny.' She said walking towards the kitchen.

'Goodnight Montana' He sighed as he let himself out of the apartment.

She touched her fingers to her lips, still able to feel the gentle pressure of his kiss, his scent invading her nostrils. Getting over him would be excruciating, she was sure.

She removed her pasta from the microwave and made her way to the living room, picking up the phone as she went. She needed to call her Mom and find out what had happened at the hospital today.

Danny let himself into his apartment, a ghost of a smile still playing on his lips. Tonight had gone better than expected. There had been no arguments and he had inadvertently stolen a kiss from her. He couldn't remember how long it had been since her had kissed her, taken in her scent. Too long, he decided. He walked into the living room and placed the book he had been carrying on the bookshelf, next to the picture of a smiling Lindsay. He had hope.


	4. Chapter 4

The next few days were difficult for Lindsay and Danny. They had been paired up a couple of times on cases but Lindsay was keeping things strictly professional. There was none of their usual banter, a fact which was noticed by most people in the lab. She was adamant, however, that the situation should not affect their work.

Danny was glad just to be around her, even if she was acting like a robot. He had tried to break the ice once or twice with stupid jokes but the look on Lindsay's face when he did told him to cut it out.

Stella was no closer to finding out the truth about her friends, she had a feeling that Lindsay wanted to talk to her but she was holding back for some reason.

Lindsay was feeling more alone than ever. She had received some bad news from home and she would normally confide in her best friend, Danny. Given the state of their relationship lately he was the last person she wanted to speak to. She could talk to Stella but she knew that would raise questions as to why she was speaking to Danny. She didn't want to defend Danny but she also didn't want people at work to know what he had done. She didn't know if she was protecting him or herself.

She walked into the break room to get a cup of coffee and found Hawkes sitting reading a text book. She took a seat beside him and asked nervously

'Sheldon, what do you know about coronary heart disease?'

Hawkes looked at Lindsay with concern and reached out for her hand.

'Is everything OK Lindsay?'

'Not really, my father's pretty sick. He has diabetes and now he is having heart problems. Can you explain it to me, what this means for him?'

'Sure, I can take you through some stuff but it all depends on how advanced the disease is. If they've caught it early he could get away with taking medication for the rest of his life and having regular checkups.'

Lindsay drew in a deep breath.

'What if they haven't caught it early?'

'There are a number of surgical procedures they can try; they really do have a good success rate treating this Lindsay. They can try angioplasty or a coronary heart bypass. Listen, the fact that they caught it at all is great news; most people don't even know they have a problem until they have a heart attack.'

'I guess I should be grateful he has diabetes then, he's had regular checkups since he was diagnosed.'

'Lindsay, thousands of people have these operations every day and go on to lead full, healthy lives. I can understand your concern but you should try to stay positive?'

Lindsay smiled at him, her first smile in over a week.

'Thanks Sheldon, I do feel a lot better now. I thought my parents were down playing it so I wouldn't fly back to Montana. They want me to get on with my life here.'

He chuckled lightly.

'That's not such a bad idea. By the way, how are you getting on with your life here? You haven't seemed yourself in a while, is it just to do with your father's illness?'

Lindsay blew a strand of hair out of her face and then rested her head on the sofa behind her.

'Not really, there is other stuff going on, I just really don't want to talk about it.'

'I understand, if you ever need anything you know where I am. I might be your colleague but I'm also your friend.'

'I know' she smiled 'thanks for everything.'

'You're welcome.' Hawkes stood up and patted Lindsay on the shoulder on his way out of the room.

'Sheldon' Lindsay turned to face him as he stopped at the door 'would you mind keeping our conversation just between us?'

'Not at all, but if you really are having a hard time, you should talk to a friend. Don't let it eat at you.'

Lindsay smiled and nodded her head.

Danny watched the exchange from his office across the hall. 'What the hell is she doing holding his hand?' he wondered aloud. It was good to see her smiling though, even if it wasn't at him. He turned back towards his paperwork and his eye caught the pink stress ball sitting on the corner of his desk. It had been a gag gift from Lindsay after he had almost punched a suspect who made some smutty remarks to her. He hoped to god she would want to talk soon, he wasn't sure how much longer he could hold his tongue.

After Lindsay had finished work and ran a few errands she decided to try to relax, her shoulders were becoming tense and painful with the stress of the last week. After a hot bath with candles and trashy magazines, she decided to pour herself some wine and put on some music. With Norah Jones playing softly in the background and the wine making her warm, she opened her window and stepped out on to the fire escape.

She lit a cigarette, a habit she had very recently taken back up, and exhaled the smoke into the night air. It was unseasonably warm and Lindsay couldn't think of a better way to relax. Her anger towards Danny was finally abating and what she felt more than anything was an overwhelming sense of loss. She had lost her best friend, her lover. She was angry at herself for breaking her own rule, no relationships with colleagues. He had been able to convince her that they would stand the test of time; she didn't need to worry about losing what they had.

As she finished off the cigarette she climbed back in the window to go find an ashtray. When she found the ashtray, her eye found something else. Sitting on the shelf in her kitchen was the letter Danny had written for her. She hadn't yet read it, scared of what it would make her feel. She sighed 

heavily and lifted it from the shelf. She would have to read it sometime if she ever wanted to be able to move on with her life. She took the letter out to the fire escape and sat down. It took a few seconds to get it open as her hands were shaking slightly.

She unfolded the piece of paper and something fell out, she put it back in the envelope for now, she wanted to read the letter first.

_Dear Montana,_

_I will never be able to tell you how sorry I am for what I did, and most of all, how much I have hurt you. When we got together I swore to myself that I would never hurt you, that I would protect what we have with my life. I let you down and for that I will always hate myself._

_I can't begin to explain what I have done because I don't understand it. There are no romantic feelings between me and Rikki, it was just desperation. I know I should have come to you but I didn't feel like I could. At the time I wasn't interested in anyone or anything that didn't have to do with Ruben. That's how I ended up with her._

_I won't lie to you and say that I regretted it straight away, I didn't. I was the one who initiated it, twice. Being close to her was like being close to Ruben somehow, and I couldn't walk away from that. I know I treated you terribly; made you feel like a bad girlfriend but it was my own guilt making me do and say those things._

_You may never believe me but I just want you to know that I absolutely WAS going to tell you about it. I will always regret the horrible way you found out. _

_I am glad we had that talk in our office when you told me how you felt, that was the kick in the ass I needed to realise, I feel the same. I don't want to say it yet; I don't want you to think I'm saying it to get you back. If I am ever lucky enough to get a second chance at a life with you, I promise I will never let you doubt how I feel about you. I will tell you every day. You are the best thing that ever happened to me._

_If I am unlucky and you don't give me the chance, then I hope we will find a way to be the friends we once were. On that note I have enclosed two tickets to the Zoo for the next weekend we both have off work. If you want to take someone else I will understand but I will always think of that as our place, that day changed my life forever._

_Yours always_

_Danny_

Lindsay was by now crying so hard the words had become blurred at the end. She didn't know if she would ever forgive him but she desperately wanted her friend back, she needed him. The honesty in his letter had surprised her. She had assumed the letter would be just a bunch of excuses but he had taken responsibility for everything. She decided that giving the friendship another go couldn't hurt. She pulled out her phone and typed out a text message

**C U at the Zoo!**

Before she could change her mind she hit Send.

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	5. Chapter 5

Danny had been walking on air for the last few days; Lindsay's message had lifted him out of the depression that had been dragging him down. To Stella's frustration she just couldn't figure out what the hell was going on. She knew Danny and Lindsay had broken up so why was Danny grinning like an idiot and cracking jokes with everyone in the lab. He was acting like the old Danny, the one she knew before Ruben had died.

She knew they weren't back together, Lindsay had told her that herself. She still wouldn't say why but Stella knew she was hurting badly. They had shared a bottle of wine and a pizza two nights ago and Lindsay had confirmed the split. No amount of digging was going to get Lindsay to divulge the details, however, and Stella was left with more questions than answers.

Lindsay was sure her message was the cause for Danny's improvement and she was glad to see her friend was back. She couldn't help feeling a little pressured, however, and she wondered if he thought that meant she wanted him back. She had to be clear but she didn't want to just come out and say she didn't want to be with him, she wasn't that insensitive.

They hadn't shared a case since she had read the letter and she hoped they would soon. She needed him to know before their trip to the zoo that this was about their friendship. Nothing else.

Danny did know where Lindsay was coming from. He didn't expect her to jump back in to a relationship with him after what he had done. He saw this as a perfect opportunity to spend time with her, gain back her trust and hope she'd fall in love with him again. He knew there were no guarantees but he was taking steps to show her he was serious. He had begun apartment hunting and had ordered a new bed. He didn't want any reminders of what he had done with Rikki.

The apartment hunting was as bad as he remembered. 'Modest studio apartment' really meant roach infested cubicle. The prices were crazy high; he was starting to think he may need a roommate. He didn't really care; he would do whatever it took to have her back in his life.

Lindsay walked into their office, surprised to find it empty so early in the morning. As she set her car keys and sunglasses down she noticed a steaming cup of take out coffee and a lemon muffin sitting on her desk. She knew straight away they were from Danny; he had been making these gestures for the last few days. She hadn't really had the chance to speak with him; mostly they were passing in the halls when they saw each other. She did appreciate these signs of affection but then she always had. He had always been good with the gestures, like flying to Montana, but he sucked when it came to the actual relationship stuff.

She sighed and took a sip of her coffee, a Hazelnut Latte, he'd remembered. She was about to pick up the muffin when the door behind her opened and her nostrils filled with his scent.

'Morning Montana.' He smiled and made his way over to his desk.

'Hi Danny, listen, thanks for the coffee but it's really not necessary.'

'I know that, I just thought it would be nice.'

'It is, but it's not really the kind of thing a colleague does. We're not together anymore Danny. I'm sorry to be blunt but I don't want to give you the wrong idea' she sighed and looked at the desk in front of her. So much for her plan of not being insensitive.

'I know all that Lindsay, but it is the kind of thing a friend does. I meant what I said in the letter, I hope we'll at least get our friendship back on track.' He leaned across his desk and tried to get her to catch his eye.

She looked up at him, filled with relief. Her message hadn't given him the wrong idea after all.

'We have a long way to go for that Danny, but thanks.' She smiled. 'You want half this muffin?'

He grinned a real Danny Messer grin, showing all his pearly white teeth. 'Thought you'd never ask.'

Stella watched from the hall, shaking her head. 'What the hell is going on?'

'You talking to yourself stell, first sign of madness you know' Flack cracked as he strode over to her.

'Do you know what the hell is going on between those two?' Stella asked.

'I know as much as you, he did something stupid, go figure, she dumped his ass and now he's acting like his old self. I'll never understand the way those two operate. Anyway, I came by to tell you that we got a DB, grab you kit.'

**ONE WEEK LATER**

'Hey Flack, wait up.' Danny ran to catch up with him in the hall.

'I'm off the clock Messer, this better be important.'

'Not really, listen, I'm looking for a new apartment, can you keep an eye out for any rental notices going up in your neighbourhood?' he asked.

'Are you crazy, your leaving that great little rent controlled apartment like 5 minutes from work?'

Danny looked away from Flack. 'It's a long story man; will you keep an eye out or not?'

'Sure, what kind of place you looking for?'

'Anything really, studio, one bed, room only. I don't care as long as the rent is reasonable and I can move in soon.'

'Are you getting kicked out of your apartment?'

'Like I said, it's a long story. You wanna grab a beer tonight; I'll tell you all about it?'

'Sure, Flannigan's at eight?'

'See you there.'

**AT FLANNAGANS BAR**

'You cheated on Monroe? Are you crazy Danny, you chased her for months!' Flack exclaimed. He couldn't believe what he had just heard.

'I know, you don't think I feel bad enough. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me Flack' Danny said while looking down in to his beer.

'What I don't get is why you've been so happy the last couple of weeks; tell me you're not seeing someone else already. Tell me it's not Rikki!'

Danny spat out the mouthful of beer he had. 'WHAT, hell no, you think I'm crazy. Lindsay agreed to go out with me, not on a date, just a friend's thing but it's something. That's why I've been happy. I can't believe she's still speaking to me at all.'

'Thank god for that, I thought I was gonna have put you on lock down. When you going out with her?'

'Tomorrow, we're going to the zoo' he chuckled.

'Ah, where it all began. Man if someone told me that day that New York's answer to Casanova would end up falling for the country girl we'd just met, I'd have told them they were crazy' Flack laughed.

Danny chuckled too but became serious for a second. 'Not me man, I knew the first time I met her. And laugh it up all you want, it'll happen to you someday.'

'Don't even joke about that. Listen, you shouldn't rush in to signing a lease but if you really to leave your apartment, you can stay with me for a while.'

'Are you serious man? That would be great. I'm quiet, clean and I come with my own pool table' he joked.

'Why do you think I asked?'

When Danny arrived home that night he set about packing his apartment up for storage. It was late but he was sure he wouldn't be able to sleep; he was too excited about their day out tomorrow. He hadn't felt like this since their first real date. Not the night on the pool table but a couple of weeks later.

As he lay in hospital after an operation to straighten his fingers he had resolved to give Lindsay a real date. Not two friends getting drunk and hooking up but a real date.

Once his injuries had healed he had picked Lindsay up and taken her to the best Italian restaurant he knew. It wasn't far from his old neighbourhood and his dad had taken his mom there on special occasions. It was a real little hole in the wall, a place most people in the city had never heard of. The decor was classic, red checked table cloths, dim lights, candles. It had the most intimate atmosphere, the couple who had owned the restaurant for thirty years really paid attention to their 

customers. They knew Danny's parents well and had been delighted that Danny had finally brought a woman here.

Danny and Lindsay had shared a bottle of wine, eaten some of the most amazing food and danced to the slow music for hours. He just hadn't been able to make himself let her out of his arms. He had never experienced anything like it, her fingers wrapped around his, her other arm around his waist, her head resting on his chest; he could have died a happy man that night.

He had every intention of being a gentleman; he'd taken her home, walked her to her door and kissed her gently on the lips. When he had gotten to the street his phone had beeped with a text message.

'**Get your ass back up these stairs Messer'**

He hadn't needed to be told twice.

He had been so in love and hadn't even realised it. He was determined to get that back.

**Thanks so much for the reviews, please keep them coming.**


	6. Chapter 6

Lindsay spent the best part of the morning deciding what to wear for her day out with Danny. She didn't want to look like she was making an effort or show too much skin, but the heat wave showed no sign of letting up. She had finally decided on a pair of denim cut-offs, a green tank top and flip flops. She wasn't really sure why she was so nervous, it wasn't like she and Danny hadn't spoken recently.

Danny waited for her at the entrance to the zoo; he had been awake most of the night. He had swung between nervous and excited a hundred times. When he saw her coming he drew in a deep breathe, she looked amazing. Danny wasn't used to seeing her wear so little in public but his Montana was a practical woman, and the heat wave called for an outfit like that. She looked so sexy with her wavy hair in a loose pony tail, her sunglasses obscuring her eyes and a thin sheen of sweat already coating her body.

As Lindsay caught sight of Danny she had to suppress a groan, he knew what it did to her when he wore those T-shirts, and she was quite sure it was deliberate. He had on a pair of loose fitting jeans, slung low on his hips. His white T-shirt was so tight it clung to his abs. He wasn't wearing his usual wife beater underneath and she could see the outline of his dog tags on his chest. She had spent a lot of time playing with those tags, curled up on his chest after making love. It had been her favourite place in the world.

She quickly snapped out of her haze and was immediately angry with herself for these thoughts. This was the guy who had cheated on her and she would not think about him like that anymore.

He smiled widely as she approached.

'Hey, thanks for coming, I'm really glad we're doing this Lindsay.'

She smiled back, 'No problem, I love the zoo.'

One of the advantages of wearing sunglasses was that she didn't have to look him in the eyes, and he couldn't see in to hers. She was sure today was going to be difficult given their history with this place.

'We should go in, it'll probably get real busy later,' she said and started walking towards the gate.

He followed behind her as they entered the zoo and grabbed a map on the way. He had only ever been here once and that hadn't been for a day trip.

'So, we have two directions we can go, the first starts with the reptile house or we could go by the elephants. What do you think?' He asked as he studied the map.

'How about we start with the reptile house? I need to get out of the sun for a bit.'

He gladly followed. They spent the next ten minutes making small talk as they looked at the various reptiles.

'Hey Montana, you gotta check this out, this is the biggest snake I've ever seen,' he beckoned her over.

'Erm, it's OK, I think I'll stick with the lizards Danny.'

'What? You can't come to the reptile house and not see the snakes, don't be crazy.' He grabbed her hand and pulled her along to the window.

She wasn't sure if it was feeling his hand against hers or the sight of the seven foot snake that did it but she was suddenly terrified.

'Let go Danny, I said I didn't want to see it!' she shouted.

'Hey, Lindsay I'm sorry, I didn't realise you were scared of snakes' he apologised profusely.

Lindsay started heading towards the exit of the reptile house and he was walking beside her.

'I wasn't until recently.'

It suddenly dawned on Danny where this had come from. 'Oh shit, I'm sorry, I forgot you got bitten last year.'

'Yeah, it was a pretty crappy year all in all' she laughed, then grew serious 'this year's not shaping up to be much better.'

They were now back outside and heading towards the monkeys. Danny looked down at his feet in shame.

He grabbed her hand and turned her around to face him. 'I'm gonna do whatever I can to make it better. I know how bad I hurt you but I am gonna prove to you how much you mean to me.'

She took her hand away from his and looked at the ground. 'Let's just not talk about it today, OK?'

'OK.'

They spent the rest of the day watching the animals, talking occasionally. Not about anything important, they deliberately kept the conversation light. He hated it, they had always been able to talk about anything, joke about anything. Now they were reduced to polite chit chat. As they approached the Tiger enclosure he decided now was as good a time as any to talk.

'Hey, let's sit on the bench and have an ice cream,' he suggested. She was looking hotter than ever, in more ways than one. She had beads of sweat dripping down her chest and her nose and forehead were starting to look a little pink.

'Sure' she agreed and went to sit on the bench while Danny went to grab a couple of ice creams for them. As he passed the gift shop he decided to pick up something else for her as well. He returned with two ice cream cones and a cap for Lindsay, to shield her face from the sun.

'Here' he handed her the ice cream and the hat, 'put this on or you're going to burn.'

'You've got to be kidding me' he smiled as she looked at the hat. It was animal print and had the word 'Easy Tiger' printed across the front.

'Put it on Montana, I won't be responsible for your third degree burns,' he admonished with a small smirk.

She sat the hat on her head and took a lick of her ice cream. It was just what she needed to try to cool down.

As they watched the tiger in front of them Lindsay startled him by asking a question.

'Do you think it's the same tiger?'

'I don't know Montana, you got closer than me, what do you think?'

'I think it might be.'

Danny got wistful for a moment. 'That was a really great day wasn't it?'

She looked at him in surprise. 'Danny, I spent that day sifting through twenty pounds of Tiger crap, I've had better days,' she laughed.

'I didn't mean that part, wiseass, I meant meeting each other.'

'Well, you don't exactly make the best first impression but I am glad we met if that's what you're asking.'

'I am too, you're a huge part of my life Lindsay, I don't want that to ever change.'

She looked away and carried on eating her ice cream. There was silence for a few minutes and he just enjoyed being close to her. He had no right to expect her still to want to spend time with him, but he was so grateful she did.

'I'm moving in with Flack,' he blurted out, looking at Lindsay trying to gauge her reaction.

She was definitely surprised, not sure where this was coming from.

'Why?'

'I just didn't want to be in my apartment any more. Too much has happened there, too many bad memories. Memories I'm not proud of. I'm trying to be a better person Lindsay,' he admitted softly.

'I know you are Danny, I hope you find what you're looking for.'

'I already did, and I lost it' his voice cracked. 'I might not ever get you back but If I do I don't want you to have to be around anything that reminds you of my mistakes.'

She swallowed the lump in her throat, glad that her sunglasses were hiding the tears gathered in the corners of her eyes.

'Danny, let's just concentrate on being friends huh? You don't have to change your life for me, I can't promise you anything in return.'

'I'm not asking you to promise me anything Lindsay, you don't owe me anything. I just want you to know that you are the best thing I've ever had in my life.'

The tears started rolling down her cheeks now as she struggled to compose herself. He knew her too well for that. He put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her tightly against his chest. She 

resisted at first and then just sank into his embrace. They spent a few minutes just getting used to the feel of each other again before Lindsay pulled away and stood up.

'Right, let's go see the giraffes,' she said with false enthusiasm and started walking. As he got up to follow he couldn't help the huge grin that spread across his face, they had just had a major breakthrough.


	7. Chapter 7

As Danny and Lindsay said goodnight she didn't think she had ever felt so awkward. This would normally be the part of the night where he would have her pressed up against the nearest surface, clothes would be coming off at an astounding rate and they would be making out like teenagers. That was one area of their relationship which hadn't needed any work. They were so in tune when it came to what happened in the bedroom, or living room or bathroom for that matter.

As he pulled up at her building she looked over at him and they both immediately blushed deep crimson. She could tell he had been thinking along the same lines as her.

'Come on, I'll walk you to your apartment,' he smiled.

Lindsay got out of the car and made her way into the building. Through sheer force of habit she grabbed his hand as they made their way to the elevator. As soon as she realised what she was doing she dropped his hand as if she had been burned and crossed her arms over her chest.

'Sorry Danny, old habits die hard,' she blushed again.

'Don't worry about it,' he did his best not to smirk. The couple of seconds her hand had been in his, everything in his world felt right. He could tell he would have trouble sleeping tonight again.

When the doors closed in the elevator they were both silent, both deep in thought. On numerous occasions this elevator had featured heavily in their sex life. On the way to her apartment, unable to wait, this would often be the starting point of a wild night. They had almost been caught a couple of times but that had barely slowed them down. Danny was fighting the urge to take her face in his hands and kiss her like a man possessed. She had always loved when he was rough with her. He pushed these thought from his mind as he could feel he was very close to embarrassing himself.

They got out and walked silently to her apartment door. She turned around to face him and he knew that the day was over. He really hadn't expected her to invite him in but he couldn't help the twinge of disappointment he felt. It was short-lived; however, when he reminded himself of the great day they had just had together.

'Thanks Danny, I had a good day,' Lindsay said with a tight smile.

'You're welcome Montana; it was good to spend time with you again. I've missed you,' he said sadly.

Lindsay started to get defensive, thinking he was blaming her for not being around.

'You didn't have to Danny, I was always here,' she said with an icy tone.

'Wow, where is this coming from? I wasn't blaming you Lindsay; I know it's my fault.'

'You're damn right it is!'

She suddenly deflated as she realised Danny really hadn't meant any offense, the hurt look in his eyes told her that much.

'Sorry Danny, I'm just tired, it's been a long day,' she sighed.

'It's OK, you don't have to apologise to me. '

'Right, well, goodnight Danny,' she said softly as she fished her keys out of her purse.

'Listen, when I move to Flack's we're going to have the team over, a few drinks, take out. Will you come?' he asked shyly.

'OK.'

'Goodnight Lindsay,' he smiled. Taking a chance he leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on her cheek and walked away.

The next day Lindsay was clearing up some paper work when Mac called her in to his office. She nervously took a seat; it wasn't every day that Mac asked to talk to her in private.

'What's up Mac?'

'Lindsay, I want to loan you to the New Jersey lab for a while if that's alright. Quinn was impressed with you when she came here and they are severely under staffed at the moment. They have someone new coming in but not for another month. How would you feel about that?' Mac asked cautiously.

Lindsay took a few seconds to think before replying. This may be a good opportunity. She was starting to get confused about her feelings for Danny and being away from him for a while might help clear her head. She had a lot on her mind, her dad was going into hospital for surgery soon and she could do without the Danny complication right now.

'Sounds good Mac, it might be good experience for me. I might also get to sleep in once in a while without the sounds of the New York traffic.'

'Good, I'm glad Lindsay. The lab will be putting you up in a hotel for the duration of your stay and it's only a half hour journey back to New York City if you need to come back for any reason. Can you be ready to leave on Monday morning?'

'Sure Mac, is there anything else?'

'That's it for now Lindsay, we can finalise the details tomorrow.'

'Thanks Mac.'

When she got back to her office Danny was already there, finishing up for the day.

'Hey, what's got you smiling, you get a pay rise or something?' he joked.

'Nope, I'm going to New Jersey for a month,' she stated happily.

Danny's face fell. His plans for spending time with her would take a serious hit if she left. Why was she so happy about this?

'Are you kidding me? Why would you go to New Jersey?' He asked sharply.

Lindsay looked at him shocked.

'Quinn needs someone in the lab until the new CSI can start and she asked for me? I decided now might be a good time to get away for a bit,' she spat back at him.

He realised how hi questions might have sounded and quickly back tracked.

'I'm sorry Linds, it's just a shock. I just hoped that maybe we could spend some time together. We can do that when you get back though, right? Or I could come and visit you on our days off?' he was starting to sound a little desperate.

Lindsay sighed at the prospect of having this conversation right now. She looked in his eyes and saw the hope there and hated to squash it, but she had to be honest with him.

'No offense Danny but I think now it might be good to spend some time apart. The last few months have been so full of drama and I just need to get my head straight. I need some time away from you to decide what I want for the future.'

Danny tried to get his head around her words but couldn't quite manage it.

'Are you leaving because of me, because of what I did?' he asked sadly.

Lindsay sighed. 'Yes and no. I just feel like you're more interested in spending time with me now than you were even before Ruben died. Maybe your guilt over sleeping with Rikki is making you jump in to this and you'll regret it later. This time apart is for both of us Danny, so we can be sure what we want.'

It was the first time she had said it out loud though she had been thinking it for a while. She looked down at the floor wishing she could avoid this confrontation.

'Is that what you think?' he whispered. 'Lindsay, the happiest I've ever been is when we were together. Spending time with you is the best part of my day. I'm sorry it took me so long to realise it but that's just a matter of bad timing. I want to be with you Lindsay, I am already sure,' he was begging now but he didn't care.

Lindsay looked him straight in the eye and whispered 'But I'm not, Danny.'

His face fell and he knew that he would lose her for a month, maybe forever.

'I leave on Monday; you should come over for dinner on Sunday night. I will miss you Danny.'

She walked towards him and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head on his chest. His arms automatically embraced her and they stood like that for a while. His hand moved to her head and he started moving her hair away from her face. She tilted her chin up towards him and he kissed her soundly on the mouth. She sunk in to the kiss as she felt his stubble scratch against her face, she had always loved that. Suddenly her mouth was prised open and his tongue was in her mouth. The feeling was so familiar yet so exciting, she moaned into his mouth and her hand went to his chest, rubbing up and down his abs. She could feel the kiss all over her body as her nipples hardened against his chest. He pulled her as close as possible, crushing her body against his and she could feel the evidence of his arousal pressing against her stomach.

As if only just realising where they were, they ended the kiss and stepped away from each other, breathing heavily. Her face was flushed and her chest was heaving and he wanted to do so many things to her at that moment, things they would get fired for.

She was slowly starting to come back to reality and decided now would be a good time to leave.

So much for trying to get her head straight, she was more confused than ever. 'So, will you come over on Sunday?' she asked.

'Sure,' he smiled, relieved that the awkwardness between them seemed to be lessening. 'I'll bring the wine.'


	8. Chapter 8

Lindsay packed up the last of her clothes and waited for Danny to arrive for dinner. Saying goodbye to the team had been tough, even if it was only temporary. She would miss them all.

Mac and Stella had been like a big brother and sister to her when she had first arrived in the city. They were very protective and she hoped her bosses in New Jersey would be half as accommodating. She would miss Hawkes too; he was one of the sweetest guys she'd ever known, not to mention the smartest. She had been slightly creeped out when she had first met Sid but he had grown on her quickly and she couldn't imagine anyone else doing his job. Adam, he was special. He was like the baby of the family and everyone loved him.

No matter how much she would miss her team, it couldn't compare to how much she would miss Danny. He was her favourite CSI to be partnered with, able to put a smile on her face on the toughest of days. She didn't like to be paired with him too often; however, as she feared she would end up as big as a house. They stopped every couple of hours to eat. His appetite was huge and he loved taking her to cafe's and take out places she'd never been. He had introduced her to some of the best food she had ever tasted.

He had even taken her round to his Ma's place one lunchtime when they happened to be in Staten Island. The older woman hadn't minded at all that he just showed up, unannounced with a guest in tow. In fact she had been delighted and quickly set about preparing a feast for them. That was before they were even together but the woman had taken an intense interest in Lindsay. When Lindsay had told her she was from Montana she had suddenly realised who was sitting at her table, she had heard so much about 'Montana.'

Lindsay had liked Francesca immediately and was invited back to the house dozens of times. Sometimes even without Danny, just to have a girl's lunch. Francesca had been ecstatic when Danny and Lindsay started dating and the relationship between the two women was cemented. Lindsay wondered if Danny had told his mother that they were no longer a couple, she hadn't heard from her recently but that wasn't so unusual.

She zipped up her suitcase and did a final check to make sure nothing essential had been left behind. She spotted it in the laundry basket, the NYPD sweatshirt Danny had left for her. She had been furious when she had spotted it the following morning but eventually glad she still had it. She packed it into her suitcase with a sigh.

It would be hard to be away for a month but she knew it would do them both good. She knew that she still loved him, that was not the problem. The problem was that he had cheated on her and she still despised him for it, even as she loved him. She didn't know if she would ever be able to forgive him or trust him again, and being around him constantly was not helping her answer these questions. It was clouding her judgement.

She also questioned his feelings for her. He was pursuing her now like he had before they started dating, right before he had lost all interest in her. Would it happen again? Was his guilt over Rikki masking his real feelings? Only time apart would tell.

She heard the knock at the door and quickly made her way to answer it. As she opened it she saw him standing there with a grocery bag in his hands.

'Hi,' she smiled as he entered the apartment.

'Hey.'

She looked good he noticed, obviously flustered from packing. She had her hair pinned messily back and an old pair of jeans with a tank top.

'Something smells good,' she stated, her stomach starting to grumble. Packing was hungry work.

'Yeah, I know we said take away but my Ma sent some food over for tonight. I told her what happened. She screamed at me for like an hour and then told me to pull out all the stops to get you back. She's been cooking all day, I couldn't talk her down.' He said sheepishly.

Lindsay laughed lightly.

'I guess I can expect a phone call then. What have we got?' She enquired taking the bag from him in to the kitchen.

'We got Minestrone soup, fettuccini Alfredo, spaghetti and meatballs, foccacia bread and cannolis. She also packed you a sandwich for your journey tomorrow. I told her it was only a half hour trip but she insisted.'

'I'll phone and thank her later.'

Lindsay brought the food containers back through to the living room along with plates, bowls and cutlery and laid everything out on her small dining table. She opened a bottle of Chianti and poured two glasses. They both sat down and started dishing out the food. They had always had these little routines when it came to food. Wherever they went, whatever the ordered they both ended up with half and half. She knew that's why Francesca had packed two different main courses.

They ate in silence for a while, Danny was too afraid to ask what he really wanted to know. What had their kiss meant to her? For him it had been amazing, and hopefully a new start for them. He was just scared that it was a mistake for Lindsay. She had said she would try to be friends but that their relationship was over. Did she still feel that way?

Lindsay knew what Danny was thinking but she didn't know how to broach the subject. How do you ask someone to wait a month to see if you still want them? She knew he would do it but was it for the wrong reasons?

She had her legs crossed but nerves were making her foot bounce up and down underneath the table. Occasionally it would accidentally bump into Danny's leg. She had no idea how uncomfortable this was making him. His mind had drifted back to the night they had spent two hours in an expensive restaurant with her bare foot teasing him mercilessly under the table. He hadn't eaten a thing and very nearly embarrassed himself when they stood up to leave. He had got his own back later though, all night long.

They chatted about work for a while, then on to sport. They stuck to the safe subjects while eating. Once they finished and cleared up the dishes she decided now was the time for the serious talk. They sat on the couch finishing of their wine when she turned to him.

'Danny, I'm sorry about the other day in the office. It wasn't fair; I know I've been giving you mixed signals. I still think that we shouldn't be together right now, I have a lot to think about and I think you do too.'

Danny was disappointed but he had been expecting it.

'It's OK; I knew it was too good to be true. I don't expect to win you over so quickly, I know I have a lot to prove Linds.' He reached over and pushed a stray piece of hair out of her eyes, letting his hand rest on her cheek for a few seconds before pulling away.

'Danny, I don't know if I'll ever be able to give us another go. I am still so mad at you,' she admitted. 'I'll be coming back into the city next Saturday for your party at Flack's but other than that I think we should take a complete break.'

'Lindsay, I'll wait until you're sure. I know you said the other day that you don't think this is really what I want but I know it is. I've never been more sure of anything.'

'Danny, I won't ask you to wait when I don't know if I can promise you anything at the end of it.'

'You're not asking, I'm just doing.' He smiled. He was crumbling inside but he would go along with whatever she wanted.

'Well, I wish you could have done that when we were together,' she joked lightly, though he knew she meant every word.

'Me too Montana, if I had been thinking clearly at the time, thinking about losing you, it never would have happened,' he whispered.

'OK, let's not rehash this right now. Let's just say goodbye, for a week, and go off as friends.'

He smiled brightly, glad that she had finally acknowledged their friendship.

He stood up to leave and she followed him to the door. When he got there he pulled her in for a hug. It was a warm one, his arms cradling her head and shoulders, hers wrapped around his waist, and neither wanted to let go just yet. He put his hands on her face and she lifted her chin. He placed a warm, lingering kiss on her lips before resting his forehead against hers. When they finally pulled apart they were both trying hard to hide their emotions.

'See you in a week, Montana.'

'Catch you later Cowboy.'


	9. Chapter 9

Lindsay arrived home with a couple of hours to go until Danny and Don's party. She had a mountain of mail to go through but she was glad to be back. She was enjoying her time in New Jersey though she missed her own team. The New Jersey CSI's were all so friendly and she had barely had any time to herself since she arrived. She was always being invited out by one or all of the team. They all worked hard and played hard together. She was starting to get a little tired but at least it didn't give her a lot of time to dwell on her situation with Danny.

She had confided in Quinn what had happened and she had been advised by the older CSI never to get involved at work unless it was absolutely worth it. She had thought Quinn would be very straight laced and no nonsense but was surprised to find she did indeed have a soft side. Quinn had also let Lindsay work a case by herself, a rare occurrence in New York but it was great to feel so trusted.

The team had taken to her straight away and she was welcomed to the team with a night in a local cop bar. Matt, James and Stacey had been only too happy to spend time getting to know her and had gone out of their way to make sure she didn't spend a lot of time alone at her hotel.

She couldn't wait for tonight, however, and headed straight for the shower to get ready.

Danny was nervous. He hadn't spoken to Lindsay in over a week, besides a text to ask if she was still coming tonight. It had been difficult for him not to hear the sound of her voice but he respected her wishes. He had stopped himself a couple of times when all he had wanted was to find out how her day had been. Was she OK? Were the team treating her well? He was dying to see her but so nervous at the same time. What if she decided that New Jersey was where she wanted to be and requested a transfer? What if she met some other guy while she was there? What if the time apart had been what she needed to realise she didn't want him back?

All these thoughts were pushed to the back of his mind as Don stepped through the door carrying a case of beer. They were having a very simple guy party. Beer, Wine for the ladies and takeout pizza.

Lindsay checked her make up in her compact for the twelfth time as she rode the elevator to the Danny's. As she exited the elevator and walked towards the door she could already hear the sound of her team having fun. She knocked quickly on the door and fixed her hair.

Don opened the door to her and she felt a little stab of disappointment, which she quickly covered.

'Hey Linds, thanks for coming. How's New Jersey treatin' ya?' He asked as they walked into the apartment. She was already on the lookout for Danny.

'Fine, they're a really good team. The cases are not as interesting though. No killer, former fat cheer leaders there!' She joked and then her breath caught as she caught sight of him coming in from the balcony, having just finished a cigarette.

He looked good. He'd had a haircut and had shaved his goatee just the way she like it Short but definitely there. He was wearing a pair of grey dress pants and a white shirt, unbuttoned at the collar. He hardly ever dressed like this anymore, preferring jeans and T Shirt but she had always liked this look.

Stella was about to approach her friend but hesitated when she realised that Lindsay's attention was elsewhere. She watched the younger woman's eyes darken with what she had assumed was anger 

when she saw Danny, but when she bit down on her bottom lip it became clear that the look was pure lust. It was quickly shaken off and Lindsay was intercepted by Hawkes.

Danny saw her as he came in from the balcony and stopped in his tracks. She looked phenomenal. She was wearing very little make up, her hair was straight and she was wearing a green halter top with some very tight jeans. The stared at each other for a second before Hawkes interrupted their eye flirting.

The next hour she was able to catch up with every member of the team but Danny, one after another they had come over to her and started chatting and she didn't want to be rude and excuse herself. She saw him go to the balcony and decided now was her chance. She walked outside and closed the door behind them.

He was surprised to see her out there with him.

'Hi, how have you been?' she asked a little shyly.

'You know, the usual. I've missed you though. You look amazing Montana.'

Lindsay blushed deep red and walked closer to him.

'Thanks Danny. I miss you too.'

An awkward silence passed between them and Lindsay decided to be the one to end it.

'So, How's work?' she asked a little too enthusiastically.

'I haven't seen you in over a week, I don't want to chit chat about work,' he smiled and reached out to take her hand in his. He threaded his fingers through hers and sighed quietly.

'Have you come to any decision yet?' he asked warily.

'No Danny, I think it will take longer than a week to work this one out.'

'I thought so, just being optimistic.'

She let go of his hand and walked over to the railing, leaning over and letting out a sigh.

'So, how's living with Don going? You guys finishing each other's sentences yet?' she asked with an amused tone.

'It's going fine smartass; we're hardly ever around at the same time anyway. When we are we usually have a beer and play some pool.' He leaned over the railing beside her.

She looked at him with a wicked glint in her eye.

'I hope you had it cleaned before you brought it here. Does Don know what happened on the pool table he's now playing on?'

He let out a heartfelt laugh, glad she was being her cheeky self. It was good to share the memory of happier times with her.

'Yes I cleaned it, and no Don doesn't know. I might have to tell him the next time he's beating me though, that would definitely put him off his stride.'

They laughed together and Lindsay felt a warmth she hadn't felt in weeks. This was the man she had fallen for, not the sad, angry cheater he had morphed into recently. She would give anything for the last few weeks not to have happened and she knew he would too. They really did have a lot to lose if they gave up on their relationship but the hurt was hard to forget. It wouldn't go away by her refusing to talk to him about it or refusing to let him it. She was seriously considering giving things another shot but they would have to put all their cards on the table before that happened. Now wasn't the time for that and she would be gone another three weeks.

She knew he had been missing her badly, Stella's e-mails had made that clear and she really appreciated that he had given her space when it was the last thing he wanted. He was really trying and it couldn't hurt for her to try too.

'I really want to give us another shot Danny.'

His heart soared; those were the magic words he never thought he would hear.

'Baby, you won't regret it I promise you. I'll do everything I can to make sure you don't.'

'Danny, I want to give us another shot but it won't be that easy. We have a lot to talk about, to work through. We can't just sweep it under the rug and pretend it never happened, it'll just come back to bite us in the ass. When I get back I want us to spend some time together, away from here to just get everything out. It'll be hard Danny, there's probably a lot we both don't want to hear but we have to do it.'

'Hey, whatever it takes. You know I'll do anything. I'll talk to Mac about us getting a weekend off together and I'll book somewhere for us to go, somewhere quiet.'

He knew he was rambling but he couldn't help it, he felt like his life was finally coming together again. He wouldn't take it, or her for granted ever again.

He reached out and brought her into a hug, they clung to each other tightly. They stood for long moments just getting lost in the feel of one another. He could feel her start to shake. He knew she was getting emotional and decided to lighten the mood Danny Messer style.

'You know, I wouldn't have been able to say this a week ago but I can now we're back together.'

'What's that,' asked Lindsay.

They looked into each other's eyes and he gave her a sly grin.

'Your ass looks amazing in those jeans.'


	10. Chapter 10

The drive to the cabin was fairly quiet; they were both exhausted from the last few weeks. They had three days together and Danny had arranged for them to spend it at the cabin they had visited previously. The place was filled with happy memories and he thought it might make what was to come a little easier. He had missed her the last three weeks but she had cut the contact ban short and they had been able to talk on the phone. The conversations never went too deep, that was the goal of this weekend.

Lindsay was nodding off in the passenger seat. Quinn had asked Lindsay to stay in New Jersey for another couple of weeks to help with training the new CSI. She had accepted on the condition that she could have these three days off. She had grown very close to the New Jersey team but she was now eager to return to New York. For years she had thought of Montana as home and New York as somewhere she lived. Now she felt completely different. She had always assumed that she would return to Montana one day, when she was ready to settle down. Now she wasn't so sure.

The sun was starting to set and Danny was glad they were almost there. He looked over towards Lindsay who was by now sleeping soundly and smiled widely. He knew this weekend would be emotional and draining but he was willing to give it all he had. They had already cleared one hurdle, they were back together. The next hurdle would be much more difficult, getting her to forgive him. He reached over and took her limp hand in his and held it tight.

After he had checked in and collected the keys to their cabin, they drove up the familiar dirt road in almost complete darkness. Lindsay was now partially awake and admiring the setting. In New York City it never got dark. Even inside her apartment late at night there were always lights shining through her window. She had got used to it eventually but this reminded her of Montana.

They got inside the cabin and dumped their bags, heading for the kitchen. The cabins were always stocked with the basics so they were able to make sandwiches when they arrived. Lindsay poured the ice tea while Danny prepared the food.

They sat quietly while they ate and she eventually turned on the TV. They had lots to talk about but it wasn't going to be tonight. They were both asleep on their feet and needed a good night's rest.

'Um, Linds. What are we doing about the um...um...sleeping arrangements?' Danny stuttered.

'It's a one bedroom cabin Danny, what do you think we're going to do?' she laughed a little.

'It's just; I don't want you to think I booked this place because it would mean...well...that'

'Danny relax. We're adults, we can share a bed, but I do think it's a good idea that nothing happens until we've talked this through.'

'Absolutely, of course. Do you want to get ready for bed first or will I.'

Lindsay rolled her eyes, amused at how shy he was being.

'I'll go.'

Ten minutes later they were lying next to each other in bed. Danny had his hands behind his head staring up at the ceiling while Lindsay lay on her side reading. He had walked into the bedroom to 

find her standing there in a pair of tight white bed shorts and matching tank top. He had seen her in far less but he found the look incredibly cute. He was starting to drift off to sleep when she turned out the light and settled in for the night.

She woke to the sun shining though the curtains and the sound of birds singing. The only birds she ever heard in the city were pigeons. This sound was far prettier. As she came to she realised something was different this morning, she couldn't move. She was wrapped in an unbelievably tight embrace. She was being spooned from behind, and from the light snoring in her ear she knew it was Danny. She smiled softly as she enjoyed his closeness. His stubbled chin was resting on her shoulder and his right arm was around her waist. His left arm lay alongside hers across the pillows and their fingers were entwined.

Lindsay traced the pattern of his tattoo with her fingers. She had done this thousands of times before but she had never relished it as much as she did now. His fingers started twitching in hers and she knew that he would soon be awake. She turned on her other side to face him as he was coming to and gave him a light peck on the lips. He unconsciously pulled her more closely towards him and that's when she felt a familiar hardness against her stomach. She froze a little, knowing he wasn't quite awake yet. Danny had always been a "morning person" so this wasn't a shock but he would be embarrassed.

Lindsay's own hormones were now raging as her mind immediately went to the other mornings they had woken like this, and what they had led to. Her head was filled with raunchy images of the two of them and she was finding it hard to think clearly. She had to diffuse the situation before it was too late. She removed herself carefully from his arms and snuck out of the room. She stepped into the shower and turned the dial to cold.

Danny was conscious now and had no clue of what had just happened, except for the fact that he had woken up with a raging erection. He could still smell Lindsay on the pillows and it was only making the situation worse. He was so glad she wasn't in bed with him, that would have been embarrassing. This wasn't unusual for him but he always knew what to do before. When Lindsay was there they would take care of it together, when he was alone he took care of it by himself. Neither option was possible right now. He heard the shower running and knew he had a little time. He turned his thoughts towards the most gruesome crime scenes he had attended and waited for the situation to go away.

He was just in time, as Lindsay walked back through the bedroom door wearing nothing but a towel, he let out a short groan and made his way towards the bathroom, saying a brief good morning on the way. She seemed amused.

He started the shower and noticed that the dial was already turned to cold. He smirked a true Danny Messer smirk.

'Very interesting Montana.'

They ate breakfast in silence and then went out to stock up on groceries, including beer and wine. Once they had taken care of the necessities they knew it couldn't be avoided any longer. Lindsay walked into the living room where Danny was sitting reading the newspaper.

'Ok, so let's talk.'

**Will update again soon.**


	11. Chapter 11

Danny felt his spine stiffen at her words. He had known they would have to talk about this; hell it was the reason they were here. He was just hoping that it would go well. He couldn't afford another screw up.

Lindsay sat on the chair across from him, the coffee table separating them and crossed her arms across her chest. 'Why, Danny?'

'I don't know Lindsay,' he sighed, resting his elbows on his knees and trying to catch her eye. 'I know that's not what you want to hear. The only thing I can tell you for sure is that I don't feel that way about Rikki. I never have, not even when we were only neighbours. I know I hurt you and that kills me. I know you think this is just me being me, a player, but that's not true. I've never been a player. I have had a few girlfriends but I've never cheated.' He immediately realised his mistake when she whipped her head up and almost growled at him.

'I guess I should feel special then! So what is it about me that drove you to it?'

'That's not what I meant, you know that. I just mean that it was circumstances. Also, it will never happen again because that's not who I am.'

The tears were already pooling in her eyes and she was feeling everything she had tried to suppress these last few weeks. She wanted him in her life but she was overwhelmed with feelings of hurt and betrayal. She took a deep breath to steady herself.

'I just don't understand Danny. You chased me for so long then treated me like nothing when you got me.' She looked out of the window, it was a beautiful day. Way too nice to be caught up in this awful situation.

'I know, I was weak Lindsay. I didn't want you to see me that way. She was just there at the wrong moment...'

'From what I gathered it happened twice, that's one hell of a wrong moment! Was she that good you had to go back for seconds?'

She was now on her feet and pacing the floor.

'No! It wasn't about sex, just comfort! Lindsay, I honestly wasn't thinking clearly at the time.'

'I know what you were thinking with! Was it hot Danny, is that why you blew me off the next day for round two? I was just the annoying girlfriend keeping you from getting laid!'

Danny was starting to get worked up himself; he hadn't known she was still this angry. He stood in front of her to try and get her to listen.

'Lindsay, I wish I could explain this better but I can't. It happened and I'm sorry but I can't tell you what I don't know. I don't know why we used sex to comfort each other. It wasn't because of any kind of attraction, it just happened. I'm sorry.'

'Was I really that much of a disappointment? You chased me forever only to find out I'm not the one you can talk to or turn to in a crisis, and I'm not all that great in bed so you have to go elsewhere.'

'That's not what happened Lindsay! I know I could have spoken to you. I could have turned to you but she was Ruben's Mom. You're crazy if you think I wasn't happy with our sex life. I've had my share of sex Lindsay; you're the only person I've ever made love with.'

They both stared at each other for a minute; she could see he was serious.

'Did you feel like you owed her, is that what this is?'

He turned away and his shoulders slumped in defeat.

'I don't know, maybe that's part of it. If it wasn't for me she'd still have her son.' His voice cracked and she laid her hand on his shoulder.

'You gotta stop blaming yourself for this Danny; you did what you had to do. You thought you were getting him away from a dangerous crime scene. You're not the one who fired the gun.'

He turned back towards her and she could see the tears glistening on his cheeks.

'I thought if I could make her stop hurting, even for a few minutes that maybe I'd stop hurting too,'

'Did you?'

'No. So I tried again.'

She looked away from him for a second. This was hard to hear but she wanted him to get it off his chest. She knew he would carry this guilt forever if he didn't. When she turned back he looked towards the floor.

'I missed him so much and she had all these stories about him. We just clung together and I didn't care about anyone else for a while. That felt like where I should be. I realised I was wrong when you spoke to me in our office. I need you Lindsay; you're the one I want to talk to about all this. You're my best friend, the one I should have come to all along. I just felt like wallowing for a while.'

'Thank you,' she said sincerely reaching out to take his hand in hers.

'For what,' he asked, confusion and disbelief clouding his eyes.

'For being honest with me. I was fully expecting the usual story. She came on to me, I was drunk, I was thinking about you the whole time, etc.'

'Oh. Well I figured if we want to try again I should admit where I went wrong. I know it's going to be hard Lindsay, I don't ever expect you to forget what I did.'

'I do want to try again but I can't give you any promises Danny. I can't promise that I'm never going to get jealous or suspicious. I can't promise that I'm never going to throw this back in your face in the heat of a fight. As long as we agree to talk about everything when things get rough. I won't stand for you pushing me away again Danny, I needed you too and you weren't there.'

By now she was crying and he immediately wrapped his arms around her and rested his head on top of hers.

'I'll always be here from now on, I promise, I'm not going anywhere.'

'My dad's sick,' she whispered into his chest.

He hugged her tighter to him and started stroking her back soothingly, urging her silently to continue.

'He had heart surgery and my mom said he's doing good but she won't let me fly out there. I think she's trying to hide how bad it is.'

'I'm sure he's fine Montana but how about this. We call your mom and tell her we're flying out unless she faxes us his medical records, then we get Hawkes to take a look.'

'What if it's bad or she won't fax them.'

'We'll cross that bridge when we come to it but try not to think the worst before you know for sure.'

Lindsay had forgotten how good it was to talk to confide in him, he always knew the right thing to say.

'Why don't we make some sandwiches, salad, pack a bottle of wine and go have lunch by the creek? If I remember correctly there's a trail not too far from here.'

She smiled and looked up at him; they had found the secluded area the first time they were here. It had been so romantic, just them and nature. She had never thought of Danny as a romantic guy before that weekend. Their first night together hadn't done anything to disprove that. As fun as that night was it was the weekend that they had first got to really know each other. She knew Flack and the other guys would be shocked if they knew just how romantic he could be; how affectionate he was with her.

'Sounds good cowboy.'

'After you Montana.'


	12. Chapter 12

They walked slowly, hand in hand through the woodland near their cabin taking in everything around them. This had been the place where Danny had finally realised he had grown up. Before Lindsay he had never gone away with a woman before; frightened it would give them the wrong idea about his intentions. She had been special right from the start; the one he would breaks all his rules for. That he had jeopardised it so stupidly was still unbelievable to him.

Lindsay enjoyed the feel of her hand in his; him leading her through the trees. She had always been such an independent woman but she loved that she could let Danny take charge of certain things. If a previous boyfriend had taken control the way he did, paying for all their dates or doing all the driving when they were together, she would have been very irritated. However, being Danny Messer's girl had always made her feel wonderful. She would never admit it to her more feminist friends but when Danny opened doors for her or pulled out her chair she always felt special. He didn't do it to show her who was in charge, he did it because he was raised to be a gentleman.

She had realised it was how all Messer men were. The first time she had attended a big family dinner at his parents' house, she had excused herself from the huge dining table to go to the restroom. All six men at the table had stood up with her. She was charmed by this family, particularly Vito, Danny's father. He had sat next to her that night, kissed her hand when they met, poured all her wine for her and pulled her chair out. If any other man she knew had done this she would have thought he was flirting, but she quickly realised this was a family thing. All the men there were the same. Some had been married forty years and still thought nothing of treating their wives like ladies.

That was how she knew Danny must be getting hell from his family over his treatment of her. She had been welcomed by them and she knew these people would be furious with him. That wasn't the way he was raised.

As they emerged from the trees into a clearing just before the brook she exhaled sharply. She had forgotten how beautiful it was here. She knew logically that many other people had been here before them but this spot would always feel like hers and Danny's. He spread the blanket on the ground and motioned for her to sit down. He opened the bottle of chilled chardonnay they had brought and poured them each a glass.

She positioned herself between his legs, resting her back against his chest and he hugged her from behind. They sat quietly for a while, sipping wine and admiring the view.

You gave me the chance and I will.

She turned around and kissed him lightly on the lips.

'I love you tool Danny.'

The smile that lit his face blew her away. They had far to go but she could tell that he was enthusiastic to make this work.

Danny put his glass on the ground and took Lindsay's to do the same. He wrapped one arm around her waist and drew her in for a more passionate kiss. As soon as his lips touched hers she opened her mouth and his tongue met hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he lay back on the 

blanket, taking her with him. They lay like that, making out for what seemed an eternity. His hands, which had started out on her back moved slowly down towards her rear and soon he was stroking her ass through her jeans. She felt a momentary unease but quickly pushed it aside. He turned them around so he was lying on top of her, supporting himself on one elbow. His free hand was making its way to the hem of her tank top where it stopped to stroke the flat plain of her stomach. When his hand moved underneath the material and travelled to her bare breast she froze. Her nipple hardened immediately and while her body reacted to his touch her mind was screaming at her to stop. Images of him doing this to Rikki assailed her and she felt queasy. He began to kiss her neck and she closed her eyes, trying to banish the mental pictures and the sound of his heavy breathing. His hand was moving again, this time down towards her jeans. He undid the button and his hand was now cupping her through the material of her panties. She felt tears leak from her eyes and roll off her face onto the blanket behind her.

'Stop.'

She pulled his hand from her jeans and rolled from under him. Standing up she started walking towards the brook, immediately embarrassed by her behaviour. She felt like a teenager again, trying to rebuff some horny boy's advances.

Danny sat for a moment, surprised by her reaction. Soon he was on his feet and following. When he got to where she was standing he stood beside her.

'I'm sorry, god I'm such an idiot. It's too soon isn't it? I knew I was going too fast, I just got carried away. We can wait, as long as you need I swear,' Danny rambled.

'I just...I can't stop picturing you with her. When your hands are on me I'm wondering if you did the same to her. I'm wondering if her breasts are bigger, if you prefer the noises she made or if she turned you on more than I do.'

Danny took a deep breath, he hadn't even considered than Lindsay might now be self conscious about making love with him. In his mind nobody he had ever slept with compared to Lindsay but would she believe that?

'Lindsay, nobody else comes close. I don't think of what I did with her in terms of "that was hot". I think about it as the stupidest thing I have ever done. I don't even remember it clearly, I couldn't tell you details. It's all a blur to me. I don't know if she has any ticklish spots like you do on the back of your legs. I don't know if she has any little birthmarks like you do underneath your right breast. I don't know if she likes to be kissed on the back of her neck and I don't want to know. You're the only person I ever took that kind of time with, the only one I want to know these things about.'

'I...I don't feel like enough anymore Danny. You could have come to me for sex but you chose her...'

'I didn't! It wasn't about sex Lindsay, if it was you would be the only person I'd come to. It was about Ruben and trying to get rid of the grief and guilt...'

'I know, I just...this is going to take some time Danny. I want to be with you but I can't be that intimate with you yet.'

She turned to look him in the eye and he saw once again the pain he had caused her. Her mouth was still swollen from his kissed but her tear rimmed eyes made his heart ache.

'That's fine, I told you. I'll wait as long as it takes. In the meantime we can just try to get the rest of our relationship back on track. We can go back to the beginning, start dating again. It might be fun,' he smiled softly.

'Yeah, sounds good. We should get back to the cabin.'

They quietly packed up, making their way back to the cabin hand in hand.

That night they watched movies and ate popcorn sitting comfortably on the couch. When it was time for bed Danny found himself a little lost.

'Do you want me to sleep on the couch, it's not a problem.'

'No, we can share a bed. I'd like to share a bed, as long as there's no sex,' she grinned.

'I can do that.'

Once they got into bed Danny stayed on his side, fearful of upsetting her again. Lindsay thought this was sweet but she didn't mind being close to him. She knew though that after today he would take his lead from her. He'd go out of his way to make her feel comfortable. Deciding that she would need to be the one to set the pace, she scooted over to his side, curled herself against his chest and laid a soft kiss against his lips.

'Goodnight Danny.'

He wrapped his arms around her and planted a kiss on the top of her head.

'Goodnight Lindsay, I love you.'


	13. Chapter 13

Lindsay was half way through her final week in New Jersey and part of her couldn't wait to get home. It was the part of her that missed the team, the New York atmosphere and one particularly cocky detective. The other part of her was more nervous. After the way things had turned out at the cabin she was growing less sure that they would be able to make their relationship work. What if she could never sleep with him again? Sure, they had fun dating but sex had always been a big part of their relationship.

She had been in touch with him since their weekend away and she knew he was dying to see her. From her e-mails with Stella she had found out that he was back to his old, slightly arrogant, charming self since their trip. She had finally made it back to her hotel room after a double shift and landed in a heap on the bed. The sound of her cell phone ringing caused her to let out a string of profanities and reach for her purse.

"Hello," she said, voice clouded with weariness.

"Lindsay, dear it's Francesca here. I just wanted to know how you're doing"

Lindsay's face visibly brightened at the sound of the older woman's voice.

"Hi Mrs Messer, I'm fine thanks. Looking forward to getting back to New York though"

"Yes I imagine you are," she said with a hint of a smirk in her voice. "My idiot son informs me that you have decided to give him another chance. And I have told you repeatedly to call me Francesca"

"Sorry, Francesca. Yes, Danny and I are giving things another shot. I figure with the circumstances and all"

"You don't need to explain to me sweetie, I was on your side"

Lindsay laughed lightly, knowing that Danny would not be at all surprised by this.

"I would like the two of you to come to dinner when you get back to the city"

"Of course, that would be lovely. I'll get a copy of my shift schedule next week and we can work out a date from there"

"Sounds wonderful. I'm so glad you took him back Lindsay, he wasn't holding up without you. I have my son back"

Lindsay bit back tears. She was feeling guilty about the doubts plaguing her. She could share anything with Francesca she knew, but not this. How could you tell a woman that it may not work out because you're having problems screwing her son?

"He'll probably be in need of a proper meal by then anyway. I imagine he and flack are living off take out!" Lindsay tried to lighten the mood.

"No reason why they should be honey, I filled their freezer last week. They both have very physical jobs, they need plenty of carbs. I made them Lasagne, Canaloni and a dozen other of his favourites"

"Are you sure you didn't use the food as an excuse to check up on the living conditions?" Lindsay asked with a smirk.

"Of course I did," Francesca laughed. "I shouldn't have worried though, the place looked clean enough and there was very little alcohol lying around. I also happened to meet Don's girlfriend while I was there. She was not what I was expecting. I've known that boy for a long time and only ever seen him with, well you know the type"

"Wait, Don has a girlfriend?" Lindsay's interest was piqued. "Danny never mentioned it, and she's not even a little trampy"

"No, seemed very sweet actually. Jess something"

"Get out of here," Lindsay squealed excitedly. "Don is dating Jess?"

"You know her?"

"She works with Don, she's a detective. Oh my god, I can't believe I missed this. I can't wait to get home!"

Danny came home in a bad mood. His shift had been a nightmare, he'd ripped a pair of his favourite jeans chasing a suspect and had to do overtime in the lab. All he wanted was to drive to New Jersey to see his girlfriend but he didn't think that would be the best idea right now. He had been getting the impression lately that she was still unsure. They could work on that but not while he was in this mood.

He grabbed a beer from the fridge and put some of his mother's Lasagne in the oven. He wanted to unwind and he had two of the ingredients for that here. Food and Beer. The third ingredient was missing however and he was on edge. He was more than happy to wait until Lindsay was ready, to give her all the time she needed as long as she stayed with him. That didn't mean it wasn't frustrating for him, especially when his room mate was getting it regularly. He was thrilled for Don and Jess and hoped they would be happy. He just wished they would do it a little quieter.

He ate his dinner and drank his beer in front of Sports Centre, finally starting to relax. His phone rang and he smiled when he read the caller ID.

"Good evening Miss Monroe," she could hear him smirk.

"How could you fail to tell me abut Don and Jess?" Lindsay asked with a pout in her voice.

"What? I just didn't think...I mean"

"Danny, I haven't seen anyone in weeks and I'm completely out of the loop. It's your job to make sure I'm kept informed"

He laughed lightly.

"Sorry honey, I didn't realise it was part of my job description. I will do my absolute best to make sure you don't miss any more gossip"

"It's not gossip," she replied indignantly. "It's news"

"Sorry, you're absolutely right. Hey, didn't you just come off a double? You must be exhausted"

"I am but your mum called and filled me in. Anyway, tell me about your day." She asked, closing her eyes and lying back down on the hotel bed.

"Well it started badly, I was late because of the subway..."

As Danny continued filling her in she smiled sleepily and started to doze. She could listen to his voice forever. As sleep took over and the phone dropped from her hand the only thought she had was, "Doubts...what doubts"

"Linds?...Lindsay?...Montana?"


	14. Chapter 14

Lindsay was relieved to be home in New York. She had enjoyed her time in New Jersey and the experience had been valuable but she could never call it home. She couldn't wait to see everyone she worked with again. She had missed girl talk with Stella, it was so not the same by e-mail. She had missed Mac's firm but fatherly direction, Hawkes' kindness, Flack's sense of humour, Adam's naive charm and Sid's creepy enthusiasm. Most of all she had missed her man. She couldn't wait to see him, and she wouldn't have to. He was on his way over now with breakfast and, hopefully, gossip. She had arrived home early that morning wanting to avoid the traffic, an impossible task. 7am in New York looked pretty much like rush hour in any other city.

She had unpacked and called Danny to let him know she was home. She was not surprised when he told her he'd be over shortly, from their phone calls she knew he was missing her as much as she was him.

The heatwave was finally starting to die down and the air was becoming less stifling. She grabbed a bottle of water from her fridge and went to sit on the fire escape and wait for Danny.  
He arrived a half hour later and she buzzed him into the building. She felt a little nervous about seeing him again but quickly pushed those feelings aside. When she opened the door she was greeted by the biggest Danny Messer smile she had seen in months and she couldn't help but return it with one of her own. His happiness was infectious. He lay the paper bag he was carrying down by the door and stepped forward to pull her into a hug. Her arms immediately wrapped themselves around his body and she buried her face in his chest. They stood in comfortable silence for a few moments, getting lost in the feel and smell of each other again. He bent down and kissed her on the top of her head and she closed her eyes.

'OK Messer, what did you bring me?'

They stepped out of the hug and he picked the bag up from the floor, carrying it towards the kitchen.

'I brought bagels, those pastry things you like, some fruit, Orange Juice and coffee from Starbucks. I figured you wouldn't have any milk or O.J. in your fridge.' He started unpacking the bag and her mouth started watering at the smell of her favourite pecan pastry and Cinnamon blend coffee. For some reason she was stupidly pleased that he had remembered.

They brought their breakfast through to the table and he sat filling her in on everything that had happened. There had been some seriously whacked out cases while she was away. She knew she would never leave New York again, she had grown accustomed to this mad place and even the crazy people who inhabited it. She felt herself smile when he filled her in on Don and Jess. Apparently even Adam was getting in on the action, he had started dating Hawkes' baby sister Haley.

'Do you have any plans for tomorrow night?' he asked.

'Nope, nothing planned. Why?'

'The team want to get together for drinks, a "Welcome Back Montana" kinda thing.'

'Danny, you're the only one who calls me Montana,' she laughed lightly. 'Except that one time Hawkes tried it. Tell them I'd love to.'

'Hawkes called you Montana?' he asked with a little frown.

'I think he was only doing it to cheer me up, he realised his mistake pretty quickly,' she chuckled.

Danny looked down at his coffee, he knew what she was talking about, why she had needed cheering up in the first place. Had he been the only one not to notice how badly he was hurting her?

'Danny, come on. I didn't say that to make you feel bad. We need to put this behind us so lets just try to forget it OK?'

'Sure.' He reached over the table and took her hand, looking into her eyes. She could still see the regret there and that comforted her a little. The only reason she was taking Danny back was because she knew the regret was real. He wasn't like most guys, regretting the fact that he'd been caught. He regretted everything that had happened and she believed him when he told her that he was going to confess.

They spent the rest of the day together. They went to see a movie, ate lunch at one of their favourite restaurants and then stopped by Danny's parents' place for dinner. They didn't need to call first to check it was OK, Francesca prided herself on always being prepared for unexpected guests. This time was no exception. The dinner she had been cooking for herself and Vito had suddenly been transformed into a feast and the call tree was started. When Danny's relatives started arriving two by two Lindsay felt the familiar glow of being part of a family. No big deal was made of the fact that Lindsay was there, it was like she had never left. They knew she would not have been comfortable with questions or proclamations so they just let her settle back in seamlessly. She appreciated this enormously.

After saying goodbye to his family they travelled home quietly, holding hands all the way.

Danny wasn't sure about what came next. Should he drop her off, walk her to her door or invite himself into her apartment. It was still pretty early and he didn't want to leave her yet but he respected the fact that she didn't want to sleep with him.

Lindsay sensed his apprehension and it made her smile a little. She knew after their discussion at the cabin that he would go out of his way not to push her on this but sometimes he really did take the gentleman thing too far.

When he pulled over to the curb outside her apartment she decided to break the tension.

'You wanna come up for a while? There's probably something really crappy on TV we can ignore and make out instead.'

Danny spluttered trying to form an answer. When he looked over at Lindsay she was sporting a huge grin.

'Oh so you think my discomfort is amusing, Montana? I go out of my way to give you space and you're laughing at me!' he said, trying to be firm. The fact that he was smiling too made it difficult to pull off.

'I'm quite small Danny, I don't need that much space.' He looked at her in confusion and she realised she would have to elaborate.

'I said we should slow down Danny, not stop altogether. Just because I don't want to sleep with you doesn't mean I didn't miss being with you, kissing you. Not every make out session has to lead to sex, or can't you remember high school?' she giggled.

'I do remember high school, but making out usually did lead to sex for me,' he bragged, his smirk firmly back in place.

'Not this time buddy, you coming up or what?'

He followed her up to the apartment and made himself at home on her couch while she grabbed them a couple of beers. He found a suitably bad TV show and waited for her to come back.  
When she returned she placed both beers on the coffee table and reached for the remote control, turning the volume down. She climbed onto the couch next to him and immediately leaned in for a kiss.

He complied quickly, wrapping his arms around her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and opened her mouth to his. They got lost in the simplicity of their kisses. The angle was all wrong, however, and they both started to get sore necks. They broke apart for a second and Lindsay took advantage of the opportunity. She relocated herself to his lap, straddling him but not pressing herself against him, not wanting to tease.

'Is this OK?' she asked hesitantly.

'Sure.' He made no move to bring her closer to his body, aware that she might not be comfortable with just how aroused their kissing had left him. They resumed their kissing and his hands began running up and down her back, occasionally getting lost in her hair. Her body was responding just as much as his and she unconsciously moved herself closer to him. She felt herself pressed tightly against him from hip to shoulder and it felt Divine. His arms got in on the act and crushed her against him even tighter. He left her lips and began sucking and biting at her neck and she heard a long, guttural sigh escape from her throat. The throb that had started between her legs was getting out of control and she shifted herself slightly to try to get some relief. She immediately found herself pressed against his almost painful erection and they both froze. They stared at each other for a moment trying to figure out how this had got out of control so quickly.

He noticed her swollen lips, Her flushed face, heavy breathing and the marks he had left on her neck and immediately felt guilty. He had taken advantage of her.

She was feeling guilt of her own though, she had been the one to initiate this and she was the one who had sat in his lap. She had gotten him all turned on when she had no intention of taking it any further. His hair was all mussed up and he seemed to be having trouble breathing. They stared at each other for another few seconds before they both burst into laughter.

After they both got themselves under control Lindsay removed herself from his lap and sat next to him on the couch.

'I'm sorry Danny, I didn't mean to tease, I guess I jut got carried away,' she said guiltily.

'No, it's my fault, sorry. I took advantage, I know you didn't want things to go that far.'

'Danny, it's my fault, I sat on your lap and got you all excited,' she said gesturing towards his still evident hard on.

'Well I'm not the only one. It's not like it's cold in here Lindsay,' he said while gesturing towards her chest. She followed his gaze and realised that her traitorous nipples were giving her away. She quickly covered herself with her arms.

They both began laughing again at the absurdity of the situation. It was indeed like being back in high school.

'Good news is, I didn't freak out like last time. Bad news is I still want to wait a while. And I promise no more teasing.'

'Don't worry about it, like I said, we can wait as long as it takes. And don't worry about the teasing,' he smirked. 'I enjoyed it as much as you did.'

He leaned over and gave her a soft kiss on the cheek before standing up and heading for the door.


End file.
